The Pat Tillman story: service before self

You may think you know the Pat Tillman story, but you don’t.

For most people, the story of Pat Tillman, the former professional football star who joined the Army after 9-11, ends with his tragic death and the ensuing controversy surrounding the Army’s handling of it. But for those who know Marie Tillman, Pat’s wife, and the Pat Tillman Foundation, the story does not end there. It continues in the same way it started – in selfless service to others.

Following Pat’s death in 2004, his family and friends established the Pat Tillman Foundation, which Marie heads today. You probably have not heard of the Pat Tillman Foundation or what it does, because Marie and her small team don’t have a marketing budget. They publicize by word of mouth and through a small website. The mission of the foundation is to invest in veterans and their families through education and community.

Under Marie’s leadership, the foundation raises money to help service members and their families pay college education costs that are not covered by government programs. The money, available to any serving or veteran service members and their families, can often mean the difference between pursuing a college degree or not. The scholarships are, in part, needs-based and can be used to cover whatever unmet costs the recipient has: tuition, books, housing, child care and so on. To date, the foundation (pattillmanfoundation.org) has pledged more than $1.3 million to 111 Tillman Military Scholars attending 46 universities in 28 states. At a time when veteran jobless rates are high, a degree is indispensable.

But as impressive as the foundation’s work is, the real inspiration comes from the personal example set by Marie Tillman. Marie and Pat were high school sweethearts in northern California. After college, they settled in Arizona, where Pat played safety for the Arizona Cardinals. Their life was, by Marie’s account, blessed and happy. When Pat decided after 9-11 that he would quit football and join the Army to fight, Marie was concerned but supportive.

When Pat was killed in Afghanistan, Marie was crushed, and the publicity and controversy that descended on her afterward only compounded her sorrow. No one would have blamed her if she had walked away from the Army and everything that reminded her of their time in the military. But she did not. I got to hear why when Marie recently visited with some of her foundation’s military scholars at Harvard.

Speaking at Harvard’s faculty club, Marie described her personal journey through the phases of grief, anger and depression with which so many other spouses and families are acquainted. She explained to our group of veterans in the packed room that she finally decided, after exhaustive searching, that she wanted to return to the time in her life when she was the happiest.

When was that? “It was when Pat and I joined the Army.” It was a stunning statement. Of all the groups and friends from her past to whom she could have attached herself after Pat’s death, Marie chose the service members and their families. Although the foundation bears Pat Tillman’s name, Marie explains that its work is not really about Pat or her – it’s about the service members who return home and their families. She finds her joy in helping those who made it back.

In all my years in the Army or since, I have not seen greater selflessness or loyalty to our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines. Marie reminds us what the Pat Tillman story is really about.

Kevin Ryan is a retired Army brigadier general and executive director for research at Harvard Kennedy School’s Belfer Center.